At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
