I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
