Where is the hickey?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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