so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
