I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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