my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
