The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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