Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
