yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize