Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
