Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize