You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
there is glitter all over my balls
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