Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
