I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
