Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
