I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
