My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
