He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
