just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
