morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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