Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
