the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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