I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
