I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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