You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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