No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
