So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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