Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
