your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
