No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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