this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
