i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
