my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
