We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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