Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
