Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize