are you still at the devil's house?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
