if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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