is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
