I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
