Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize