And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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