Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
