i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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