Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
