Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
