so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
