Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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