week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
