Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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