That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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