Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
