The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
