there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize