he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
