I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
