I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
