If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
