i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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