Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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