Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
