I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's shark week go big or go home
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
