Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
