'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
