Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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