I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
