I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
