Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
