She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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