The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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