Will you blow on my dice?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize